All posts by Ciara

The Destruction of Love

Anyone who thinks a relationship is sunshine and rainbows is wrong. It’s the worst thing in the world.
It’s also the best.

You’re going to go through hell. Get your head out of the clouds.

You’ll be borderline murderous. Attacking their every word. Reducing them and yourself to tears. And then you video call. They call you beautiful. And you’re reminded why it’s worth it.

The bad times are worth it.

Your pillow will get drenched. Your mind will get lost. Your heart will scream.

And then you make new memories. New quirks. New inside jokes.

Taking the risk of holding their hand means they will drag you through hell. But that hand will comfort you. Call you beautiful. Tell you they’ll never give up on you. Find that. Find the calm after the storm. I am the storm and so is he.

Love is destruction. Dangerous. Love is madness. Insanity. Love is nurturing. Lovely


I’m Scared Because I Love You

You annoy me.
This whole thing called life
It’s a chore.
You conjure my tears.
You provoke frustration
Pain, irritation, and anxiety.
You scare me.
Because I love you.

You say you can handle me.
But I’m a thunderstorm.
I will drag you through sleet
rain, hurricanes and lightening.
You’ll question everything.
You’ll go insane.

But don’t be so fragile.
Not everything is about you.
I let you be mad.
I let you have your time.
So don’t result to self loathing.

You drive me insane.
Another would have left.
I’m scared.
Because I love you.
Even if I don’t want to.
But I know I do.

I guess I just want it to be safe.
To be easy.
We have amazing conversations.
We make each other laugh till we hurt.
I’ve given up on a fairy tale.
They have fantasy creatures for a reason.

You see I get so close to giving up.
But I can’t.
I just can’t because I love you.
I’d be okay by myself.
If I didn’t know you.
I’m feisty.
But I’m not giving up because I love you.


It’s not a quirk.
If one more person treats my badly because of my anxiety I will lose it.
“Why can’t you just…”
“I’m sure it’s not that bad…”
“Why didn’t you…”
“Stop being so paranoid…”
Shut up okay. No. That’s not how you treat someone. I’m not being rude. I’m not ‘off with the fairies.’ I am a human being. I deserve to be treated like one. It’s not okay for a neurotypical person to walk all over me. Stop sighing. Stop being selfish. Start treating people with anxiety as they deserve to be treated. Because one day while you’re getting annoyed at the person for being ‘flaky’ or for saying sorry too much… one day you’re going to lose that person. You’re going to lose the most genuine person you have even met just because they were different from you. Just because you had to put in the extra effort. They’ll be gone. Off to find people who accept them for being human…


So this is lies
A broken promise
A fractured trust
You beat yourself up
“Fail”, “stuffed up”, apologies
I wanted an explaination
I got an excuse
You promised, you lied, you excused
You keep going back
You keep forgiving
You drive me crazy
You lied

Goodbye 201(666)

I hate these new years revolutions things… No one ever sticks to them… They just make people feel better at the time… but I’m going to do a bucket list (things to do before 2017 kicks the bucket) I’ll update it each time I actually do the thing… if … Comment suggestions if you wish… please be reasonable.. nothing too illegal 😛

1. Not die (obvious but reasonable)

2. Do a random act of kindness for a stranger (flower on a car, leave money at a parking meter etc)

3. Write poetry whenever I need a release

4. Bake something every month

5. Get more than one A on my school reports

6. Read at least one novel completely

7. Write people I love notes and leave them secretly

8. Swim in the ocean this summer *(6/1)*

9. Buy a new pair of shoes

10. Watch movies and snuggle up with someone I love

11. Have and commit to a movie marathon